I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
