She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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