My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
