I hope mine doesn't look like that
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
