i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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