For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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