I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
