I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize