And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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