I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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