the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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