i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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