I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
