Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
