Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
