she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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