Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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