Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
