We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
