How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
