i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
