yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize
