did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
