a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
