Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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