he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
