You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
