Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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