Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
