is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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