So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
