Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
