i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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