her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
