i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
