definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My bed smells like the plague
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
