that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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