things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
