I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
