i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
