I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
