Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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