It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
