I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
