I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
