i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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