dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
