So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
