I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
