Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
