He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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