haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
