Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
