ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
