Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize