He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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