you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
