Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
