That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
