Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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