She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
