It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
