how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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