i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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