Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Apparently you make a good broom.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
