if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
